Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
