well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize