porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think your dad took our porno
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
