Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
