Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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