Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
