im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
