My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
