i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
