you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
