Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
