Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I would fuck him just for his dog
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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