Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize