don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
