My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
