She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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