My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize