Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i came on her dog
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
