Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
