Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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