I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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