Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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