Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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