i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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