I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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