Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
