I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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