try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
