Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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