I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
