I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
