god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if only i could text you this smell
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
