Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
