just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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