so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
