Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
