he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
