If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
