For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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