So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
