I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
