i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
