We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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