i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
this will be a night to untag.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
