Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
