Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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