Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
