If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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