your room smells of hookers.
And success
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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