OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
