she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
