When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
