i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize