Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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