So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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