you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
