what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
