I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
