I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Please don't give away my fajitas
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Never joke about your clitoris.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
