just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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