In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
