Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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