Kiss
Puke
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
