I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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