I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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