those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
