My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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