i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I supernannyed him into submission
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize